My Strength is Your Weakness. My Heart of Stone.

It has been raining in the United Kingdom for nearly a week straight, and tonight; the storm came. 

Is this going to be the change in the weather, in the people, in the seasons, and in our lives?

The last eight months have been some of the most difficult I will, hopefully, have to encounter in my life (at least for another 10+ years). I have experienced the true meaning of LIFE in the last eight months, for which I am sometimes thankful and sometimes exhausted by and dreaming/ wishing for my childhood back. I have spent many nights making sure my family is okay, and that they have what I can give them. 

My little baby brother (he may be fifteen but he is still my baby brother), said to me yesterday… “When did our lives get like this? My life used to be so simple”. My reply? “This will pass us by and you will come out of the other end much stronger.” I truly believe that. People believe God will get them out the other end and make them strong enough to get through it. Others believe in alcohol and drugs. I used to believe in family and friends, but at some point (or not) you learn that it is your OWN strength that will get you through, and that it is most of the time your own belief that will get you through. Not only does my brother trust in me and find comfort in my words, but I find comfort to – Saying the words out loud, having someone to listen, that helps. 

I don’t believe in therapists, or psychiatry, or at least not for myself. I don’t need to. I am a strong enough person to know what and when is wrong with me, and even if my ‘medicine’ doesn’t work, I won’t force myself to pretend to fix it. I will take my time and do things the right way. [I will even admit that my older brother did psychology at University, and I still don’t believe]. Fixing or completing something on my own, from my own heart, feels much more natural to me than sitting and talking until I break for tears is not what I think works for me. This is my strength. I will not let life bring my bright, beautiful and talented brother down. Not yet; he is too innocent. 

I will protect him, spoil him and help him create until the day I die. I will let him protect me, help me run away. But…

Even when the storm breaks, I will be here, I am not scared. My heart and soul are made of stone, so that I can bring my brother through the other side. And I will. 

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One comment

  1. Super, very thought-provoking and inspirational writing!
    You are right about own strength, and trust is hard, but if you need a friend, you know where I am, always.

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