Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned…

Over thinking. Over dreaming. Believing. Over Wishing. Naivety. Thinking. Impossibilities. Thinking too much.

JUST STOP.

For as long as I can remember, I have always let my imagination run wild, but not into the impossible, as I strongly believe. My imagination has always shown me possibilities but relied strongly on me doing the hard work, and always working 400% harder for something that my imagination created; rather than something I just naturally think of. There is a difference, please note, between my imagination, my natural thoughts & reactions, and my dreams & wishes.

With one topic (which could be an aspiration, a person, a materialistic item or relationship) that I have, for a while now imagined, thought of, and dreamt of… very often and it quite annoyingly takes up a lot of my day and brain capacity! Although, this was something that I didn’t realize I wanted so badly until I looked in the ‘mirror’ and found that I had done what comes most naturally to me, without even noticing, I made it so the one topic was untouchable. I pushed the one topic so far away, made it full of hate, full of distance; so that now I am left without it – without the possibility of it… I want it more than I ever have. [Even more so than when I first realized that I wanted the one topic.]

Or is now that because I cannot have it, I want it more? That old trick.

It was ever so wonderful, in the days where I got closer, I was ever so happy. At least, as happy as one could be, considering the environment and situation. The one topic was so painful, yet so utterly fulfilling. It felt mature, wise and very appropriate. It needed work done, although the cracks were the thing that made the one topic so beautiful.//

Either way, I will get it. I will make it happen. I know. From a past experience that lasted 3 years, I know I will. Regardless of whether it lives up to my expectations or not. I will get the one topic, in my hold, within my reach. It will, one day, be the reason for my smile. I really cannot wait to look back, and say ‘She said it, and she got it’…

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