I don’t think many people ever have the possibility to realise what they mean to someone, until they are gone. When bad things happen; a friend, a lover, a partner, a best friend, a family member should be able to recognise or identify the moments in which they need to ‘pull their socks up’ and help you. It is true, many people come and go in everyone’s lives – but when they have been around for longer than you can remember, surely it means that you need to make an effort. Effort for them, for yourself and your relationship; whatever form it is in. The form of the relationship is not that relevant; all relationships need commitment, compromise and communication to be successful or to at least function positively.
Unfortunately when it comes to things like this, I can be quite naive and my expectations are set at a very high level. This obviously has limited the amount of people that I actually ‘let’ in my life. I have a very select few people that I would actually call my friend, let alone my best friend… or even confide a secret or a heartache to them. I don’t want people around me who only want to be around for the highs [which, in my life, can go SO HIGH, but that also means, I can go SO LOW]. My expectations push me to write cute notes in lipstick on the mirror in the bathroom for my housemate, making a cup of a tea, buying ice-cream or a cute new top they wanted; or even go as far as calling them from Vietnam when they are in the UK when their grandfather dies. So, when my mother is diagnosed with breast cancer, shockingly, I expect a phone call [at the least] – yes, I know there is the thing of the friend or person being able to ‘mind read’ but don’t play dumb or blind, because they know. Whether through word of mouth, or seeing it in your eyes. They know. The same way you knew their heart was breaking.
There can be mutual understandings in friendships and relationships, that you don’t have to speak to each other every day to know that you are there for one another. But in times of heartache, pain, celebration, success or death; you need to pick up the phone and say something. Mostly so that the person in the centre of these feelings knows that they are not alone, regardless of whether it is good or bad, happy or sad.
For the something’th time this year I have had to make a decision with myself and realise that a person isn’t good for me, that they are too in their own world of happiness and sunshine to be a good friend. I don’t intend on always being down, sad and dark but why the hell should I let you be around for the exciting happy times if you can’t help me to get there… I would do it for you.
I also have great understanding that everyone is different. That everyone has been brought up differently. Of course I am respectful of that, that’s what happens when you have friends that comes from different places in the world, different cultures and different family set-ups. BUT there are basic rules. Irrelevant is the fact that we have known each other for ‘forever’, that our mums are friends, or our boyfriends are best friends; these are not excuses or reasons to justify your poor level of effort.
How many chances do you give one person to be a part of your life?
Expectations are a BITCH.