Jordan

Break up confusion: part 1000 of 100,000,000

Putting things back how they used to be. Or not.

You will never normally intentionally change things about yourself in a relationship, some things you will. But when you break up, some of those qualities will have to go, just in order for you to cope with being a single you again. But also – whether the relationship was good or bad – you have to take some treasures and good qualities with you.

397039_10150538064873676_1388316972_n For example – I have learnt to not wear make up. Now, for some this is a little thing and you won’t relate or understand. But for years my previous boyfriend (who I was with for over 5 years) told me I was beautiful with and without make up on. He never wanted me to wear as much make up as I did. I never needed it, and I knew all along that I didn’t need it – but I still wore it. Anyway – it took one person, and just him, for some reason, to change how I felt about it. It could have been the way he first said it, the way he looked at me, the fact that he never stopped telling me. But here I am now, I rarely wear make up.

photo 1 When we were mad for each other, and I wanted him to know I would say ‘thank you’. He gave me the confidence, somehow, to be this person. To have the confidence to have a bare face.

photo 2 Here I am, he gave me, taught me – something. And no matter if I wake up one day mad at him for not being mine, or if I stay in this place of just missing him… I would be lying if I said I didn’t learn or gain anything from my relationship with him.

photo 3 For different people it could be ‘x’ ‘y’ or ‘z’ – but for me, I am grateful and very blessed to have had that person in my life.

photo 4 It is important to remember the good, and everything you did and gained from being together – but it is also okay to put things about yourself back to how they used to be. Not that your other half told you to not be that way, or stopped you from having those qualities, maybe they just weren’t necessary when you were part of a relationship.

photo 5– don’t second guess everything.

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Maybe we could be each other’s soul mates

“Don’t laugh at me, but maybe we could be each other’s soul mates. Then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.” Charlotte York, Sex and the City.

Lucky for me… I have my soul mate. But even better than that I am blessed enough that he will be there, for ever.

Months can go by, and a lot can change (believe me! I’m talking lovers, ex lovers, marriage, tattoos, weight, hair, and god knows what else) but there he is… My SOLE/SOUL mate.

6 years ago, god knows what month it was… I was put clubbing with a group of friends and my current boyfriend. I know exactly what I was wearing (high waisted harem black suit trousers, black Mary Jane Louboutins, low cut/low back white racer back ripped vest, and a very naughty, very see through, lace and silk bra; and of course, a chanel 2.55 – it will always be me to wear a vest that was slutty but I had picked up from a market in Vietnam, trousers from Topshop and then top the cost of my whole outfit by adding a bag and shoes!). Anyway; there I was walking along the high street of this little town that I had grown up in to go move my boyfriends car whilst he was busy buying everyone drinks… Who do I bump into? My love, my genie, Reece Morgan. Now what I haven’t mentioned is that – this club was full of nice girls dressed like hoochies! You would see a Chanel here, Kurt Geiger there, Prada there… But the main aim with these girlies was sluttiness and as you can probably tell; what I was wearing was sexy, subtle but never hoochie mumma! Maybe that’s why he chose me, only he could tell you that. The inimitable Reece. So there I am, treating the high street as a run way and I bump into an acquaintance, turns out he was heading to the same place I was drinking with his girlies. Before I knew it, 2 weeks later I was on a stone table, in a mesh body, with black lipstick, wet look black eyeshadow, slicked back jet black hair… Pouting and posing. And that was just the beginning…

Now, when I first came across Reece I just knew him to be an aspiring photographer with an amazing sense of style. It wasn’t until we had numerous Cosmos and Margaritas that I realised every element that makes him is pure fabulous. From his ever changing hair styles, ooh snap! To his huge collection of handbags from Louis Vuitton, Burberry, Chanel and Hermes. Not forgetting his irresistibly delicious personality.

Only Reece would turn up at one of my friends magazine launch parties in Mayfair and get papped on his way home, simply for looking so gorg and fabulous. As if! Crazy.

This man is there for everything whether it be a simple BBQ in the garden of my fathers ranch (me in flares and him in all black), drinks in Canary Wharf (me in 10 inch heels and him in vintage), winter cocktails in Covent Garden (me with my pink 2.55 chanel and him draping himself in fur), a burlesque show in the West End (me in all black apart from my rose gold courts and Michael Kors and him traipsing in Dior), a Cheryl Cole concert at the O2 arena (me in leather trousers and him holding a jug of Cosmo) or us trying to figure out a way to make pink fishnet mesh work in my dressing room.

But it’s not just the clothes, the memories and the designers, it’s the art – his art, my drunken ‘art’, the art of love (or trying I find it), our worshipping of art (whether it be SJP, bitching about Kim K, slamming Britney, or worshipping the queens of the red carpet and the skinny bitches behind a camera!). There is pure talent there, and not necessarily the talent that you make for yourself by having a subscription to Vogue, or trading in your mums vintage for the to-die-for-vintage, or dressing to impress… For me, he was born with it. It’s the air, the blood and all the different organs that put him together and create pure talent-full fabulousness!

Well ya know what, here’s to the men that have come and gone (and stayed!) for the both of us, the fashion faux pas (for the both of us!!) and here’s to the next 50 plus years where this (photographer, stylist, socialite, bitch, editor, realised) man will still be my soul/sole mate… Because no matter what happens I will be wearing my Louboutins as slippers and he might well be taking the trash out in his vintage Hermes.

Love you, DOLL.

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The Ex and The Golden Rules of Revenge; Katherine Hudson

Rule One;

It is a plague on modern women everywhere. That haircut/dye/perm you get immediately following a break up– BUT as much as you want to avoid the ‘break up hair’ you have to do IT or something along the lines of a ‘fuck you’ or ‘look what you are missing’ otherwise, there really is NO fun in a break up!

This is when my jealousy for celebrities and famous people really kicks in, they can use the paparazzi, concerts, stage performances and red carpet appearances to present themselves knowing that everyone (and hopefully, including the EX) will see and comment on how HOT (or not) they are!

There are many ways to ‘get back’ or ‘change’ after a break up… You can get a new hair cut, hair colour, a tattoo, a spray tan, chucking everything out in your wardrobe and starting again, a new car, moving house, deleting Facebook and any other social network; this list can go on for forever! There is a very clear decision that first needs to be made though, and we can all deny it if needs be, but there is always a moment where you think in your head ‘He said that he always loved my hair like this, and when I wore this colour blah blah blah’ – and with that infomation you can perfect yourself head-to-toe the way ‘he would love to see you’ OR you can let rip, and FINALLY where THAT dress that he always hated but made you feel a million pounds, and wear THOSE really high shoes, or do your hair how YOU like it…

Men do it too! Johnny Depp edited his ‘Winona Forever’ tattoo

Denise Richards covered over her tattoo that was dedicated to ex husband Charlie Sheen

Katie Price famously ‘edited’ her tattoo on her television show, later covering it altogether

It is, and always will be, the war between saying ‘Fuck you’ or ‘Look what you are missing baby’. It will be that way until you find the ‘you’ that you want to be, and forget about what they would have wanted for you, and you just be yourself.

A *perfect* example of a woman who has ‘bounced’ back after a break up (and not just any break up, it was a marriage break down); is Katy Perry (Real name; Katherine Hudson (Brand)). [Yes, I have mentioned her in previous blogs similar to this; you can look here https://nolessthanbutterflies.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/wonderful-worlds/]

Even though Katy Perry was already in the stages of changing her hair from her ‘known for’ black locks (although naturally blonde) before the break up of her marriage to Russell Brand… She really went out and did some changing to her hair, her style, and her life! [Please note: I understand that Katy Perry’s style can be labelled as hard to track as she is always forever changing her style and you never know what to expect of her, but she has really done a U-turn; even for Katy Perry! http://wonderwall.msn.com/music/style-profile-katy-perry-11266.gallery#!wallState=0__%2Fmusic%2Fstyle-profile-katy-perry-11266.gallery%3FphotoId%3D39116]

From Blonde to Pink to Blue to Purple to Black/Purple; From long to short, to fringe, to curly, to straight, to natural to really long!

It does make me wonder how did Russell Brand like to see his wifey? They met and she had Black hair, but within their short marriage, Katy Perry donned many arrays of wigs, hair lengths, dresses and many different styles! Something we will never know, I guess, as even on the red carpet standing next to her then-husband, Katy would look very sexy at times, take the piss, and play it safe; plain and simple! But even from the pictures, you cannot tell which look he preferred on his Californian bride.

Both have been pictured (although not formally addressed the public about their ‘new’ other halves); Katy rumoured and photograohed with some very beautiful French male models and guitarists, who don’t seem to have any complaints about her hair colour!

As long as you don’t take it too far, and react too quickly and do something that may take a while to undo or is irreversible (tattoos, breast implants, plastic surgery etc) and keep it to the change of attire, hair colour change; that is okay! Hair grows back, hearts heal, clothes can change but you can’t get back your dignity at the end of the day. Have fun with it, have fun with your new found freedom, but do not lower yourself to their level, because the journey back up may be a lot harder than the heartbreak in the first place!