Revue

Break up confusion: part 100,000,001 of 100,000,000

I fell in love, and I fell in love hard. But it left me crying my eyes out, 2 stone heavier and on a plane to Hamburg with my best friends.

I was never the girl to confess my love to anyone – ‘I love you, I love you’. But with him, it kept exploding out of me… I could never keep it in, I wanted him to know. I knew he wasn’t in love with me, but I was okay with that because the affection, attention and time that we had together filled me up in so many ways. I had never felt that before.

He asked me at the beginning to be ‘open’ to us. Even though he had already backed out once. There was something about him that made me trust him. That made me jump in head first – give my time and attention to, 100%.

Even he can tell you that I always had a tiny bit of fear that he would just text me one day and be done… Saying the same things he said 5 days after we first slept together. But he always reassured me that if it was ever going to happen, I would know, and it wouldn’t be over text. However this is where the line gets blurry because I guess it did happen on just ‘one day’ and I guess it did just happen over text. He broke my heart, because I was madly in love.

I always dreamt of the relationship that we had. Him driving. Us sleeping together almost every night. Him helping me to sleep. Us both being a part of each other’s lives. Being called his girlfriend made me the happiest I had been in such a long time.

With the rise, comes the fall.

Anyone who knows me knows that I believe in butterflies, and that you should never settle for anything less. Well I am saying now, that everyday and every second with him was butterflies. Even the bits I didn’t like, the butterflies pushed me through to the other side. Love.

The butterflies, unfortunately are still very much there. I’m not sure they will ever go away… But they will also remind me to be so much more careful in the future, despite the fact that I do not regret meeting him, loving him, even still.

Advertisements

Break up confusion: part 36,762 of 100,000,000

Throwback:

I am waking up every day, and the reason I am quiet is because I wake up with so much anxiety that it takes me a whole day to work my confidence back up and feel ok with our relationship. I am so invested in our relationship that the bickering is making me feel so low. I am not made for a relationship like what we have right now. I am used to having a relationship that gives me the safe haven that I need to deal with everything else. It upsets me so much every time we fight, bicker and argue because we are in such a beautiful place and we aren’t making amazing memories. Today is one of the first days where for the majority of it I felt better and happy with our relationship but it changed so quickly and another night/day has been ruined. I am so sorry for everything that I have done that has displeased you, annoyed or frustrated you. I have felt a little alone since we have been here, and maybe my wanting for my friends and family is coming across badly. I have never wanted to make you feel badly and have never wanted to be like this with you. As I said a few weeks before we came away – the happiest I have been, is with you. I am extremely sad that that has changed and you are not happy. So sorry. The way that this holiday has turned out has given me so much disappointment, sadness and anxiety – I wish I could take it back.

Break up confusion: part -7645 of 100,000,000

Walking around Hamburg, Germany… 3 days after:

 

Obviously with being away, I’ve had time to get space and think. I feel as though you just gave up, it was a couple of weeks of bad stuff compared to months of laughing and smiling. I’ve listened and understood when you said you don’t want a relationship and all of the stuff that comes with it – but do you not think after however many months it’s been, our relationship deserves more than you just giving up?!

Break up confusion: part 55,555 of 100,000,000

Trying to get over this person is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I am not forgetting that my mum walked out on my siblings and I. I am not forgetting I have mourned the death of all of my grandparents, two aunts, a friend, my first pet, family animals. I am not forgetting that my dad could be taken away from us. I am not forgetting my ex boyfriend of over 5 years.

And I simply think the reason is because of all of those things weren’t anything personal towards me. In fact, none of them were about me. They weren’t about things that I had done, who I am, who I wasn’t… They weren’t done for revenge or because I deserve it. They have all happened because that is simply how the world works. Mysterious.

However when it comes to this man, it is personal… He can say that he is who is and that he doesn’t want to change and that he is a selfish person and he doesn’t mind that about himself. But I never asked him to change. I fell in love with him because of who he is, because I see him for him. That hurts. I want to see it differently but the only thing I see is that I simply was not enough.

meurtri

You made a decision, about me. About me and you – in ten minutes. You let me go. You let me walk out of that door. Did you expect me to fight you? Convince you? You didn’t want us anymore. But after everything I gave, after everything that I believed in – you were done.

And there is such a huge part of me that knew you would do it. I told you, my greatest fear when we were us, was that you would simply wake up, or turn around and be done. Not want or need or desire me – that everything that I was and am, was simply not enough. No matter what I did, no matter how much of myself that I showed you, gave you – it was never going to be enough, was it?

You knew. Yet, when you caught my eyes and looked at me, saw my smile and noticed the colour of my eyes… you wanted to do it anyway. You wanted me to be yours, you couldn’t just leave it alone. I will take responsibility – oh boy, will I. I stopped looking, I stopped being bothered by having a special someone. But you flirted your way in. I don’t care if you ever look at me again and say that it wasn’t what you were doing, you know yourself well enough to admit that you are ‘selfish’. Well, my love, you know yourself well enough to know that you should never have let it get that far.

I fell in love with you.

I want to hate you now, I want to be mad at you. But I simply miss you, everything. The way you woke me up, the way you helped me to sleep. To even carry on with the list of all the wonderful things that you did and were hurts me. You hurt me. You hurt me for every day that goes past since you finished with me, since you made a decision for us. Did you think of me? No. Because you are selfish. I already know this.

I hope you find someone that does fill all those gaps in your soul, but if I am being honest with myself and you – that person doesn’t exist. She may do for a few years, she may be there for a while – you may even commit to marrying her, having babies with her. But you, the gentleman that is you, you will always end up in one place. Doing your laundry, watching your favourite TV shows whilst you wait. Texting whoever you want.

Nothing in life is easy, but I was one of the best things that you ever had. Sometimes I believe that you knew that (and that’s what scared you) yet – it is still simply not good enough. You had me, every single part of me. I am not perfect. But I was so perfect for you.

My dreams, can be dreamt differently, now that you are gone – I know that… but, did you know how beautiful they were?

I know you are happy. I know you are okay. I know you are unaffected.

Well, fuck you. Because I am not okay, and I am not unaffected. You hurt me.

Break up confusion: part -9999999 of 100,000,000

Me, myself and I.

Eventually you reach a point of realising that the person has gone. That soon enough the care and concern will go. You will both get on with your lives, or at least one of you will. You have done everything that you know used to or sometimes makes you happy, even just for a second. Movies, eating, drinking, shopping, being with friends and family. A new hair do. But at the end of the day you want to get back to the person that used to be able to sleep at night, the person that dances in the shower and all around the house (naked). You need to and want to get back to being the person that your other half fell for. You are learning to let go of a lot of things, but you will potentially bump into a person that smells very similar to your other half. Or a movie will come out that you both had been waiting to see. You only had plans to see it together – and as much as you now get to see it with your best friend albeit not alone… it just isn’t the same. You have reached the point where you feel bad for your friends having to listen to you. Like the scene in Sex and the City where the girls tell Carrie to go to therapy because she talks about her break up with Big non stop. As much as a lot of moving in is being with someone else, you aren’t ready and you have agreed with your close friends that maybe it would be a good thing for you to concentrate on yourself for a little while. Learn to be you again. You and yourself. Me, myself and I. Well, doesn’t that just have the potential to be so wonderful… and tragic all at the same time. You are allowed to miss someone, and you will probably miss them every day for quite a long time. You are allowed to crumble inside when something reminds you of them.

Korean-War-w16801050

You need to understand that it is a part of life to fall for someone, to trust, to love and to feel. There are a limited amount of people that do and feel nothing, and that, my love, is not living. You need to feel the pain, hurt and sadness in order to cherish the love that you do receive. There is nothing wrong with trusting, there is a line – you don’t have to be careless. You would never wish for anyone to hurt you, and I would never wish the pain of heartbreak upon my worst enemy. But ultimately you have a choice of whether you want to put one foot in front of the other, and accept, build and be stronger and better than you ever were.

You need to know that it is 100% okay not to be okay. It is also okay to give up on yourself, love and everything in between for a little while – but remember that anyone willing to let someone like you out of their life is not worthy of you disappearing from yourself for forever. You owe it to yourself, to come back better than ever. Don’t let another person be your down fall – find something else, find something that someone will find cute, something that someone, one day, will think of as your best part.

Understand that you will be okay, you are stronger than you think – miss them, love them… every day if that is what means that you get up, face the world and get on with achieving your hopes, dreams and aspirations.

People always use the metaphor of taking 1 step forward and 10 steps back but how about you take 1 step forward (you fell for someone), you take 20 steps back – but guess what, you can then take 22 steps forward. I believe in you.

Maybe we could be each other’s soul mates

“Don’t laugh at me, but maybe we could be each other’s soul mates. Then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.” Charlotte York, Sex and the City.

Lucky for me… I have my soul mate. But even better than that I am blessed enough that he will be there, for ever.

Months can go by, and a lot can change (believe me! I’m talking lovers, ex lovers, marriage, tattoos, weight, hair, and god knows what else) but there he is… My SOLE/SOUL mate.

6 years ago, god knows what month it was… I was put clubbing with a group of friends and my current boyfriend. I know exactly what I was wearing (high waisted harem black suit trousers, black Mary Jane Louboutins, low cut/low back white racer back ripped vest, and a very naughty, very see through, lace and silk bra; and of course, a chanel 2.55 – it will always be me to wear a vest that was slutty but I had picked up from a market in Vietnam, trousers from Topshop and then top the cost of my whole outfit by adding a bag and shoes!). Anyway; there I was walking along the high street of this little town that I had grown up in to go move my boyfriends car whilst he was busy buying everyone drinks… Who do I bump into? My love, my genie, Reece Morgan. Now what I haven’t mentioned is that – this club was full of nice girls dressed like hoochies! You would see a Chanel here, Kurt Geiger there, Prada there… But the main aim with these girlies was sluttiness and as you can probably tell; what I was wearing was sexy, subtle but never hoochie mumma! Maybe that’s why he chose me, only he could tell you that. The inimitable Reece. So there I am, treating the high street as a run way and I bump into an acquaintance, turns out he was heading to the same place I was drinking with his girlies. Before I knew it, 2 weeks later I was on a stone table, in a mesh body, with black lipstick, wet look black eyeshadow, slicked back jet black hair… Pouting and posing. And that was just the beginning…

Now, when I first came across Reece I just knew him to be an aspiring photographer with an amazing sense of style. It wasn’t until we had numerous Cosmos and Margaritas that I realised every element that makes him is pure fabulous. From his ever changing hair styles, ooh snap! To his huge collection of handbags from Louis Vuitton, Burberry, Chanel and Hermes. Not forgetting his irresistibly delicious personality.

Only Reece would turn up at one of my friends magazine launch parties in Mayfair and get papped on his way home, simply for looking so gorg and fabulous. As if! Crazy.

This man is there for everything whether it be a simple BBQ in the garden of my fathers ranch (me in flares and him in all black), drinks in Canary Wharf (me in 10 inch heels and him in vintage), winter cocktails in Covent Garden (me with my pink 2.55 chanel and him draping himself in fur), a burlesque show in the West End (me in all black apart from my rose gold courts and Michael Kors and him traipsing in Dior), a Cheryl Cole concert at the O2 arena (me in leather trousers and him holding a jug of Cosmo) or us trying to figure out a way to make pink fishnet mesh work in my dressing room.

But it’s not just the clothes, the memories and the designers, it’s the art – his art, my drunken ‘art’, the art of love (or trying I find it), our worshipping of art (whether it be SJP, bitching about Kim K, slamming Britney, or worshipping the queens of the red carpet and the skinny bitches behind a camera!). There is pure talent there, and not necessarily the talent that you make for yourself by having a subscription to Vogue, or trading in your mums vintage for the to-die-for-vintage, or dressing to impress… For me, he was born with it. It’s the air, the blood and all the different organs that put him together and create pure talent-full fabulousness!

Well ya know what, here’s to the men that have come and gone (and stayed!) for the both of us, the fashion faux pas (for the both of us!!) and here’s to the next 50 plus years where this (photographer, stylist, socialite, bitch, editor, realised) man will still be my soul/sole mate… Because no matter what happens I will be wearing my Louboutins as slippers and he might well be taking the trash out in his vintage Hermes.

Love you, DOLL.

IMG_4458.PNG

‘Stuffed with Hugs and Good Wishes’

There must have been a ‘Once upon a time’ in my life where I didn’t have a problem with hugging people, there must have been a ‘Once upon a time’ where I didn’t force/make people try so hard just to get ‘in’ or that I didn’t struggle so much with letting them in… There must have been, right!?

I strongly believe that ANYONE that has met me or ‘knows’ me will tell you that I have a wall, regardless of what it is for and how it makes me look it is there. It does most of the time make me look like a cold cut off bitch. I am probably okay with that; it is better than them knowing everything about me. Mostly because, in order to know everything about me, you have to know everything about my family – and no matter what happens [no matter what they do, even if they hurt me] – I refuse to be the reason for their hatred towards me, their vengeance or their pain. I refuse. That may be a reason for the wall, who knows…

Regardless of my wall, regardless of the bad things I have done, regardless of the good things I have done, and regardless of what I have and haven’t achieved so far in life; I think that as a female, I have the want for being protected (to a certain degree) by the person I love, or by a person. As a human, there is that option of having someone just hold you… Someone you TRUST and love, hold you and make you feel ‘okay’ for a minute or two. In those moments, you forget words and their meanings and the looks in peoples eyes; you just feel… You feel the tightness and the warmth within them. But most of all, you know exactly how that embrace makes you feel. You have to go from there.

I am in the position of only trusting one person that I love. They may get distrcated from time to time. They may even really rub me the wrong way! But when they hold me… All the words they said, mean more, the looks of love and trust and beauty and peace and kindness; mean much much more to me. And them. If I don’t believe that, then I really have nothing. Nothing.

I have always never had ‘thousands’ of friends; I have never wanted many. I like the smallness of what I have got. I like that I know them, they know me, and that I can rely on them because they spent so long getting to know and learn me; for me to reply with my honesty. ‘There are *around 5* people on planet Earth that I could call at 3am in the morning and ask if they will help me bury a dead body, and they would, no questions asked.’ I like it that way.

I don’t care what people think of me, I can’t, I don’t have enough space for that. I don’t care if you think I’m heartless and cold; because the selected few, the honest few, know the truth.

There is one person, right now, asleep, somewhere in the world that I trust wholly and completely and only want to be held by. One. No one else will compare. I don’t want to be held by a liar, a psycho, or anyone in between.

If you know me, you know I’m stubborn.

I will only be held, by you.

Elizabeth. Woolridge. Grant.

Elizabeth Wooldridge Grant; 25, female, from New York City USA.

When I was 15, my [then] best friend and I went to see The Pussycat Dolls perform their ‘Doll Domination’ tour at London’s O2 Arena. At the time, I couldn’t say that I was a very big fan of the Pussycat Dolls, as I was noticing more that it was just the ‘Nicole Scherzinger show’ and although, yes, she has an amazing voice, I much prefer the idea of watching the girls as a band. We were lucky enough to get seats on the ground floor, and were only 9 rows back (which isn’t too close that you are looking up the whole time but close enough to really see them); the tickets only cost us £90 each, and I say only, because we had no idea what we had signed ourselves up for. My friend forgot to tell me that The Pussycat Dolls were being supported by Ne-yo and that Ne-yo was being supported by the One and Only… Lady Gaga. – At this time Lady Gaga wasn’t actually too much of a star, not many people in the arena knew the words to her songs, or many of her songs other than ‘Just Dance’; and not many people in the arena or around the world were ready for what Lady Gaga wanted to bring to the table. – A couple of months before I had watched and listened to her music video for ‘Just Dance’ but had also seen the movie for which the song features, I then felt the total need to research this ‘Lady Character’ for which I then became so completely addicted. This left me in complete awe of Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta especially because, I was quick to realise, that her voice is much more powerful than a great edited pop track. [Which we clearly get to see and hear through her performance of ‘Lady is a Tramp’].

When people are climbing up the ladder of fame, they have to [and they can all deny it if they choose] put part of themselves aside, and sacrifice a few things in order to shock the audience and their public, so that a frenzy is created around them, enough for them to stick around long enough for them to prove their talent. This becomes evident in Lady Gaga’s approach. For example, her first ever interview with Jonathon Ross 2009 [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG_Jm3NhujY] in which she doesn’t connect with his sense of humor and leaves everyone who is watching in a complete state of shock at her attitude and personality. We were talking about it for days. One point for Haus of Gaga. At the time, this pissed me off because people then didn’t want to listen to her “crazy” and “out there” music, and as a self confessed fan, I was angry at the way she was wasting her talent. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG_Jm3NhujY] After studying Media Studies, I now know exactly what she was doing- and you can understand that by then watching her interview with Jonathon Ross from 2011 and then the statistics between the two dates and look what she achieved! [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prXWQAXYFIQ]

A very similar thing happened between me and Jessie J [Jessica Cronish]. I was in the common room of my 6th form college about a year ago, year and a half ago, and a close friend of mine played an acoustic tune along with a very deep huskey vocal; the music video for ‘Do It Like A Dude’ [please note, the pop version not the acoustic] came out a few months after that, I think the same week the Jessie J was playing at KoKo club in Camden, London. Along with Wretch 32 [who I had met and performed a music video with] Dappy from NDubz, Devlin and Professor Green. It may sound sad and a little pathetic, but this is when my friend and I really realised that Jessie J’s voice is so powerful, we were crying when she performed ‘Who You Are’ because you can see and hear her emotional attachment to the ballad. A few weeks after this Jessie J blew up and was being played on every radio station and was being talked about so often. But it wasn’t until the Capital FM Summer Time Ball that year that her fans and admirers were exposed to what her voice really is; stunning. Yes, they had followed her music videos, her interviews, and brought her album; but they got to hear that it wasn’t all edits, and back up singers… and that Jessie J has a complete natural talent.

The reason this blog post started with the details of ‘New Girl on the Block’ Lana Del Rey is because after researching her for a bit, there isn’t that much infomation or gossip etc about her, at the moment! I came across a few interviews and videos after listening to her album ‘Born to Die’ for a couple of days straight. Although I didn’t get a chance to notice her when she first uploaded the video she made her for the song she wrote and sung ‘Video Games’ because I was off galavanting all over the world; but now that her album is here and another new music video – I am utterly falling for her voice as well as her style and even her front and personality. – Through my research I found that she got quite a few bad reviews for her performance on American chat show ‘Saturday Night Live’ although she then backed herself up by saying that her performance was exactly how she wanted; and that her fans know and understand that that is her style. I like her more.

There are many things to like about ‘Lizzy Grant’, not only her tres cool and chic stage name, but along with the fact that she doesn’t claim to be someone that struggled for money and built her way up. Take note from her twitter account; “EVERYTHING I WANT I HAVE. MONEY, NOTORIETY AND RIVIERAS – I EVEN THINK I FOUND GOD – IN THE FLASH BULBS OF YOUR PRETTY CAMERAS.” Not many people know that she comes from a very rich family [just like the actress Rooney Mara] and that she was lucky enough to have her father help her buy her way into the music business. Each to their own, I say. Lana has been quoted to see herself as a “gangster Nancy Sinatra” which is spot on perfection, she looks up to Elvis and Britney Spears. But the only way you are going to understand and appreciate her talent is if you listen to her album, but listen to her album with an open mind and maybe a nice tasty glass of wine at the end of a long day.

In terms of the actual album and the music itself, which Lizzy has written, only 3 songs have been sung live and through promotion by her (Blue Jeans, Video Games and Born to Die, the track which the record was named after). ‘Born to Die’ and ‘Video Games’ are the only two tracks to, so far, be accompanied by music videos. I can officially say that I have my favourite songs off the album, one of which I think might be released as her next song if it isn’t ‘Blue Jeans’; the song is named ‘National Anthem’. The lyrics are sparky and sparkly and totally ideal for the backing choir of Lizzy’s voice as well as the instruments used.

The lyrics for ‘This Is What Makes Us Girls’ are spot on, universal, truthful and totally rebelious at the same time. This is the part of the music industry and my passion for music that I love; the lyrics and the beat mixed together, creating butterflies and a wonderful feeling that she has used her talent to express her experience, letting everyone else know that rich, famous, beautiful people aren’t immune to feeling what we, regular people, feel.

“Living in the best of the memories, and honoring the past” Please feel free to watch this video interview Lana Del Rey did for MTV; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1F7toKvICs

“I’m not really interested in a ton of female musicians but there is something about Britney that compelled me — the way she sings and just the way she looks,” Lana Del Rey and Britney Spears… http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1678375/lana-del-rey-britney-spears.jhtml

***

Lyrics from ‘This is what makes us girls’;

This is what makes us girls
We all stick together ’cause we put our love first
Don’t cry about him,

 

English Literature vs. Traditional Greek Tragedy

Both Shakespeare and Sophocles use women to expose flaws in hierarchy.

 Women in both Shakespeare’s ‘King Lear’ and Sophocles’ ‘Antigone’ illustrate and expose the clear hypocrisies within the hierarchy, all women abuse their chance and opportunity to manipulate and influence each King’s actions in order to bring down the chosen leaders (Creon and Lear). Within these two plays, everything falls down around society because of the tragedy in both plays, with the tragedy being caused and influenced by the actions of the royal females.

In ‘Antigone’, Creon asserts his patriarchal power as a proof of his authority “I now possess the throne and all its powers” which creates a spar between people’s duties to the state and that to religion and individual desire, putting Antigone in a rebellious position where she must make a moral choice where she challenges patriarchal power by trying to do the right thing by the state or by religion. Abbott “ A clash between duties to the State, and that to religion and individual desire, erupt violently in this passage, emerging with an engaging rhetoric from both sides”. This is also where King Lear and Creon find themselves exposed to faults because of women. Both plays demonstrate to the reader that family is a microcosm of state representative, especially when it comes to the Hierarchy; their situations are not private. This can influence the women, especially when in Ancient Greece and 200 years ago they were faced with having to be appropriate to their religion, not break the rules and to be something for the ‘rest of society’ to look up to. In Ancient Greece women were deemed as disruptive if ever to step outside the box, or even speak against patriarchy “Women in marriage did not gain much pleasure. They married between the ages of twelve and eighteen” (Kagan 53). Women were only ever expected to get married and reproduce regardless of their class, whether they had to work as well as that or not. Similarly of renaissance, women were deemed lower than men in the chain of being, and nothing they could do would change the chain of being as to society this way of life was set in stone.  “Antigone forms the subject of two fine tragedies of the Grecian poet Sophocles” (Thomas Bulfinch). Although still, with in the chain of being, demons and men were still higher than women. Women at this point were seen to be lower than men and demons although they are the ones who carry the children, and feed them therefore, Shakespeare and Sophocles have more opportunity to abuse their lack of respect as a way to show the lower, animalistic side of men. “She’ll flay thy wolvish visage”.

“Remember we are women, we’re not born to contend with men”, Ismene seizes this straight from the beginning of ‘Antigone’ and understands that what her sister is suggesting will destroy and damage their family more than it has already been distressed by murder and suicide “I must obey the ones who stand in power”. Ismene is a woman in the play who has been constantly overshadowed by Antigone, forcing her to want to challenge the rules in order to acquire attention although she is too weak and has a lack of confidence, leaving her even further restricted by Creon’s rules after her sister dies. “Unmoved by the dissuading counsel of an affectionate but timid sister, and unable to procure assistance, she determined to brave the hazard, and to bury the body with her own hands” (Thomas Bulfinch) Although she must make a moral choice challenging patriarchal power by trying to do the ‘right thing’, the point which Ismene stands in and decides to confront Creon side by side with her sister drives Creon into further self defense and refusal to accept that anyone, let alone women, are “rising up against my throne”. Ismene stands up to Creon after he discovers that Antigone has broken his rules, resulting in Creon having to face up to two women, and punish them so that the city’s people don’t see him as weak. The fact that they are women, he struggles with enough but then that there are two of them as well as the girls being from royalty and “my own house”. The reader begins to see the further development of Creon’s hubristic manner through him attacking himself and his lack of sight “I never knew I was breeding twin disasters”.  Ismene’s sudden boost of confidence to question Creon “What? You would kill your own son’s bride?” exposes another floor with in Creon. Creon, here, attacks Antigone and Ismene by offending their roles as women voicing, “there are other fields for him to plow”.  Creon makes many convictions insulting womankind, his convictions seem true to a large population of men. Within Ancient Greece, men believed in the undeniable domination of women. Gerald F Else suggests “Sophocles was writing a tragedy about a woman who made gods a justification for her deeds”. This shows to the reader that Sophocles has created Creon’s flaw and that he used the Princess’ roles to do this.

In light of this, Shakespeare uses Lear’s daughters to create the atmosphere for his reaction, especially at the beginning. Lear divides his kingdom but still has and wants the power, comforts and appearance that come with the title, further more in order to decide which of his three daughters get he presents them with a ‘love test’ wanting to know how much he means to each of them and why they deserve to get anything. At this point in the play, Gonerill and Regan use an inflationary rhetoric to praise him but it’s worthless hyperbole “I love you more than word can wield the matter, Dearer than eyesight”. Although it’s Cordelia’s decision to “be silent” that shows the reader the first signs of the hierarchy’s floors even if in the end, Cordelia is the only daughter that forgives and redeems Lear. Shakespeare’s choice to give Cordelia the decision of her “love’s more ponderous than my tongue” straight away identifies with the reader that this is a woman who will not play the rules that society has set for her and that she will mark the starting point in the play of where Shakespeare is using women and the female power to expose floors in her King and controller; her father. Lear is morally and emotionally out of order which is his tragic floor, his daughters play along with his ‘game’ of insanity, creating a turning point in Hierarchy. Hierarchy is based on a respectable way, which Lear and Creon both don’t do. This is where the Fool steps in and highlights to Lear that society is inverted because of him. “Is there any cause in nature that makes these hard hearts?” The Fool within ‘King Lear’ has no values and no morals but is able as a man and human to understand the meaning and importance of people’s values and morals, especially within hierarchy. Shakespeare uses the Fool to highlight each role of Lear’s daughters. When Lear’s daughters; Gonerill and Regan manipulate their Father and reject him and force him to retreat to nature, breaking society proving that they are content to use violence and corruption, calling Gonerill “sharp-toothed, like a vulture”. After being forced to retreat to the safety net of nature, because of his daughters, Lear resorts to using animalistic language, which was caused by his complete lack of vision and unfairness. Here, Shakespeare shows that Lear’s inability to see and deal with female characters causes disaster.

To broaden this, both men (Creon and Lear) learn to see through their faults in order to come to terms with reality, Creon a lot later than Lear. The blind prophet in Antigone, Tiresias, has knowledge and sight into reality but has no actual physical sight, both of their lack of vision becomes ironic for the reader. “Whoever places a friend above the good of his own country, he is nothing”. This is Creon giving a clear reference to the future, without knowing it; Antigone places her brother above what Creon sees as the good of her country. “Antigone was a bright example of filial and sisterly fidelity” (Thomas Bulfinch) In the same way that Gloucester and Lear both have a lack of sight.

Lear: “No eyes in your head, nor money in your purse?

Your eyes are in a heavy case, your purse in a light;

yet you see how this world goes.”

Gloucester: “I see it feelingly”

Lear: “What, art mad? A man may see how this worls goes with no eyes.

Look thine ears.”

They both ‘stumbled’ when they saw, Gloucester’s blinding is the physical manifestation of the mental torture Lear endured on the heath. There are many references to eyes and sight that increase the tension we feel, as the reader, and prepare us for the blinding. “Pluck out his eyes” Gonerill and Regan don’t take part in the blinding but Shakespeare has clearly written in that ‘Regan plucks his beard’. The cruelty of this scene in the play indicates that the world has been turned upside down. Everyone seems to be able to ‘see’ that the division of a Kingdom as a bad thing except for Lear and those who seek to gain from the division, namely Gonerill and Regan. Within this scene the fact that one woman insinuates a method or torture, and the other savors in the infliction of pain that another human has whilst prompting her husband on to additional cruelty, subsequently later killing a man herself. In these plays it seems that one must become literally blind to alleviate the suffering of being metaphorically blind. Gloucester cannot see the Machiavelli nature of his illegitimate son Edmund, and manages to be so blind to the hearts and minds of men that he tolerates Edgar his legitimate and caring son to be hunted on the declaration of Edmund “toad-spotted traitor”. Lear does much the same with his daughters not seeing that Gonerill and Regan hunt for only to eulogize in a sycophantic orgy of wealth hoarding, whereas Cordelia truly loves him. “Self-realization can be very powerful and emotional for a character, such a strong character like Lear retrogress’ into a mere shadow of his former self, and then recognizes that he’s left with nothing”. (Thomas Bulfinch)

Along with his lack of sight Lear’s language degenerates; this is a reaction to his daughters. He immediately calls to nature and relies on nature to bring him through the journey of hubris, but what he doesn’t realize is that the character of the fool is able to make him realize and become guilty. Especially when the two daughters roles become inverted like society, then begin to act as mothers as well as savage women who have never been taught manners “Hard, hard! O filthy traitor!” they like their father become mad and insane with the power that they have. This is where we begin to see the two forms of evil in ‘King Lear’; instinctive and animalistic evil personified and embodied by Gonerill and Regan, as well as the calculated rejection of God, forming Edmund’s sight of the world. Lear becomes a type of human that he thought he could have the good without the bad, where as his daughters just wanted to abuse the bad and manipulate it to get further in life. Towards the end of ‘King Lear’ Shakespeare writes that Gonerill and Regan kill each other. The reader is quick to understand that this is over a man, a man who has been born from the disruption of society: Edmund, pushing tragedy to affect everyone. Not only does this child from a different generation abuse his position but is also able to manipulate Rich women into disrupting society further more without having understanding of what they are doing. Shakespeare understands that women can be driven by men of youth and strength and that woman can drive and manipulate fathers, and men who hold love for them. “Bind fast his corky arms” Lear then becomes a cast out and ridiculous figure of nature, his power is removed along with his male potency being castrated by his daughters although he gains political knowledge.

Lear: “Why dost thou bash that whore? Strip thy own back.

Thou hotly lusts to use her in that kind

For which thou whipp’st her. The userer hangs the cozener”

Further more Gonerill is an inverse of what Creon has to say about women, she is not only authoritative and resolute like Antigone but holds the reigns of Lear’s destiny. Her language, unlike Antigone’s is doubly enforced by this added edge destiny has endowed her. It’s between these characters that language is no longer the sovereign means to organize or represent knowledge; it is an object of knowledge like others, to be investigated in the same ways as living things, wealth, value and history. Especially when these women are furious, they tend to attack and gain the opposite of what Hierarchy expects of them, showing the weaknesses in male power. Other characters in ‘Antigone’ such as the Sentry, Ismene, Haemon and Tiresias find themselves obviously pointing out the truth and fate to Creon, “while he is adamant in maintaining his strong hold on what he calls State-duty, but what in fact is his own obstinate pride” (Kathleen McCluskie), but because he is so distracted by women not playing their ‘set roles’, and his own hubristic ways, he is unable to save himself “Oh it’s terrible when the one who does the judging, judges things all wrong”.

Shakespeare uses Gonerill’s position as the first daughter that Lear stays with to develop his stages of insanity even further “You are old and reverend” and add to the stack of anger that Lear’s mind is building. In the position of attack, Lear finds comfort and defense using a woman’s centre of their anatomy, which is their key target point. The language in this scene gets straight to the point “into her womb convey sterility” forcing Gonerill to fall as low as a woman can fall leaving her with no purpose if she can not reproduce. Likewise Creon attacks Antigone’s roles as a woman by telling her to “find a husband down among the dead” which limits her path forcing her “tomb, my bridal-bed” ending her life. Once she is married to death she is “denied all joy of marriage, raising children”; this is Sophocles using what women traditionally are seen to be useful for and using Creon’s anger and sharp self defense system to illustrate that the power and ability women have to reproduce and partner with someone is something that he feels and knows he cannot control. Both these ways in which the male writers; Shakespeare and Sophocles attack the woman’s centre point and heart, which we find in the modern era that this is a thing men struggle to come to terms with; the power of reproduction and female sexuality therefore they feel the need to exploit this part of a woman’s nature when their ‘universe’ and centre point is attacked, or weak “Turn all her mother’s pains and benefits To laughter and contempt”.