Where The Heart Is

Maybe we could be each other’s soul mates

“Don’t laugh at me, but maybe we could be each other’s soul mates. Then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.” Charlotte York, Sex and the City.

Lucky for me… I have my soul mate. But even better than that I am blessed enough that he will be there, for ever.

Months can go by, and a lot can change (believe me! I’m talking lovers, ex lovers, marriage, tattoos, weight, hair, and god knows what else) but there he is… My SOLE/SOUL mate.

6 years ago, god knows what month it was… I was put clubbing with a group of friends and my current boyfriend. I know exactly what I was wearing (high waisted harem black suit trousers, black Mary Jane Louboutins, low cut/low back white racer back ripped vest, and a very naughty, very see through, lace and silk bra; and of course, a chanel 2.55 – it will always be me to wear a vest that was slutty but I had picked up from a market in Vietnam, trousers from Topshop and then top the cost of my whole outfit by adding a bag and shoes!). Anyway; there I was walking along the high street of this little town that I had grown up in to go move my boyfriends car whilst he was busy buying everyone drinks… Who do I bump into? My love, my genie, Reece Morgan. Now what I haven’t mentioned is that – this club was full of nice girls dressed like hoochies! You would see a Chanel here, Kurt Geiger there, Prada there… But the main aim with these girlies was sluttiness and as you can probably tell; what I was wearing was sexy, subtle but never hoochie mumma! Maybe that’s why he chose me, only he could tell you that. The inimitable Reece. So there I am, treating the high street as a run way and I bump into an acquaintance, turns out he was heading to the same place I was drinking with his girlies. Before I knew it, 2 weeks later I was on a stone table, in a mesh body, with black lipstick, wet look black eyeshadow, slicked back jet black hair… Pouting and posing. And that was just the beginning…

Now, when I first came across Reece I just knew him to be an aspiring photographer with an amazing sense of style. It wasn’t until we had numerous Cosmos and Margaritas that I realised every element that makes him is pure fabulous. From his ever changing hair styles, ooh snap! To his huge collection of handbags from Louis Vuitton, Burberry, Chanel and Hermes. Not forgetting his irresistibly delicious personality.

Only Reece would turn up at one of my friends magazine launch parties in Mayfair and get papped on his way home, simply for looking so gorg and fabulous. As if! Crazy.

This man is there for everything whether it be a simple BBQ in the garden of my fathers ranch (me in flares and him in all black), drinks in Canary Wharf (me in 10 inch heels and him in vintage), winter cocktails in Covent Garden (me with my pink 2.55 chanel and him draping himself in fur), a burlesque show in the West End (me in all black apart from my rose gold courts and Michael Kors and him traipsing in Dior), a Cheryl Cole concert at the O2 arena (me in leather trousers and him holding a jug of Cosmo) or us trying to figure out a way to make pink fishnet mesh work in my dressing room.

But it’s not just the clothes, the memories and the designers, it’s the art – his art, my drunken ‘art’, the art of love (or trying I find it), our worshipping of art (whether it be SJP, bitching about Kim K, slamming Britney, or worshipping the queens of the red carpet and the skinny bitches behind a camera!). There is pure talent there, and not necessarily the talent that you make for yourself by having a subscription to Vogue, or trading in your mums vintage for the to-die-for-vintage, or dressing to impress… For me, he was born with it. It’s the air, the blood and all the different organs that put him together and create pure talent-full fabulousness!

Well ya know what, here’s to the men that have come and gone (and stayed!) for the both of us, the fashion faux pas (for the both of us!!) and here’s to the next 50 plus years where this (photographer, stylist, socialite, bitch, editor, realised) man will still be my soul/sole mate… Because no matter what happens I will be wearing my Louboutins as slippers and he might well be taking the trash out in his vintage Hermes.

Love you, DOLL.



Neon. Novalee. Nakoa. Knox. Names. Names. Names

Probably every day, I turn my TV on, switch on sky and either go straight for the Radio (Kiss FM) or for the music channels to update myself on new music videos (or to re-watch the ones I love). I have actually always been a fan of Gym Class Heroes; not many people actually know that the front man, Travy Mccoy was with pop singer Katy Perry for many years (he was probably ‘The One That Got Away’; she even featured in his band’s video) – I like his raps, his voice, his style, and he collaborative choices! So, it was no shock that when he came out with a new song, with a female vocalist featuring that I loved it! I’ve watched the video many times, always stopped what I was doing in my room and watched the whole video. The girl in it has BRIGHT red hair, really funky dress sense and I kinda liked the difference that her voice was! Lying on my bed earlier today, doing bits and bobs, the video came on and I thought ‘who is she’, I’m liking her more and more from this one video and she has just given me a great idea of what to do next with my hair (as in true ‘me style’ I’m bored and want a change up).


In order to get an image of this girl’s hair, and a good image, not a print screen of the video off of YouTube, I had to search the song + band, then the feature and find her name! (or her stage name). Neon. Hitch. Now it’s not every day you come across a name like this… Therefore I typed it into Google, read the first line of the Wikipedia page and found that yes, Neon is in fact her first name. She is, by birth, Neon Hitch. And that was that. Until I then went back on my laptop and realized I had left the Wikipedia page open and read her story…

Born in the east England countryside of London,Hitch resented her parents for her birth name, Neon, and wanted to change it to something more conventional. Her father was a lighting technician. Her mother bought a caravan to live in when their house burned down. They then began street performing, making and selling jewelry and clothing around Europe, and consequently, she never attended school. By the age of four, Hitch was traveling and performing with
the Archaos circus. At age of ten, she began writing poetry which led to her writing lyrics. Her boyfriend noticed that she could sing and encouraged her to hone her singing. By the time she was in her teens, Hitch was trained as a trapeze artist, fire swinger and stilt walker and had performed across Europe. Her family was featured in aBBC documentary. At the age of sixteen, Hitch moved to India for a few years before resettling in London to start her music career.

There is something about a different name… How many Lauren’s do you know, How many Paul’s… How many Neon’s do you know?

There is a film called ‘Where the Heart is’ with Natalie Portman and Ashley Judd. Although I love the whole film, and have done since a very young age, there is one small, very small, story line that I just love! There is a photographer, called Moses Whitecotton, who speaks to a heavily pregnant Natalie Portman, Novalee Nation; he tells her that she has to give her unborn baby a name, a name that means something! And it is very true… Although some parents may give it a lot of thought, at the end of the day, that name is stuck with that child for the rest of their lives.

Lord knows, my name is my name, and out of respect to my parents it will always be my name – but at the same time they gave me my nickname too, and that is what I go by. When I am introduced by my nickname it puts a smile on people’s faces, they are bothered about talking to me…

Excluding the influence of the country you are born in, and religion (for example Bjork is a traditional Icalandic name) there are some wonderful names out there that change a person, but also help them to be a different person, and different in a good way.

  • The name Neon comes from the Greek neo, meaning new. Neon was given this name when it was discovered as a new element in 1989. 
  • ‘Blue Ivy Carter’ the daughter of Beyonce and Jay Z; Ivy is a homage to IV being the number four and the day that they got married and Jay Z’s birthday; Blue being a favorite color of theirs.
  • ‘Apple Martin’ daughter of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow; he suggested, she liked it.
  • Comedian Penn Jillette named his daughter Moxie Crimefighter; “Apparently, Jillette’s wife had no middle name, and their theory was that you never use the middle name anyway so why not have some fun with it.”
  • Zuma is the name of Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani’s son.

Dig around a little, you may find that although she’s a new comer, and a little out there, there is lots to know and read about this wonderful creature! She has a great voice, unique style and a FANTASTIC name!


too much?

Good Morning!

I had to go out last night, my life is a mess right now…
I had to out with my friends yesterday…Yes Until 5.am as you seen.
 because in the middle of the night, the agent of the guy I’m shooting in Beverly hills text me this… ” Hey Ayaz, The House is not available for shooting until the end of the year”
All my world just fall apart when I received that e-mail.
I haven’t smoke weed, since I have work every day.
Anyway, this e-mail you sent me made me very happy as always, you know? You have no idea about the desperation and sadness that is going trough my body right now…. I lost the complete control about what’s gonna happen in my life tomorrow or in an year…
I had everything prepared,but I’m still gonna talk with the agent, there’s must be a solution.
I know, I should follow more your blog, and I will also “Share” it on my facebook account, so people see and understand what are you girls going trough, That image of the of you girls ridding a bicycle I can almost imagine you.
Your mom loves you, like mine loves me, like Alex mom loves him, it’s something normal, Mother will always miss us, but they are always gonna be there for their kids, always, it’s the cycle of life, to move on, find new activities and try new prospectives of life, different cultures, different feelings, different emotions…. I don’t blame her, If I has a baby like you, I would stay with you forever in my arms if I could!!! But then again, it’s your course, if you don’t feel like it is the right choice, then obviously you have to change for something else… that’s my personal opinion about that kind of stuff… it’s something that is going to make part of your life, for one year…you just have to make sure about that course. I don’t pressure you, I don’t decide for you, that is something that you have to decide yourself, obviously I’m here to help or to comment whenever you feel lost, that’s why I am here, I’m your boyfriend, and I’ll stay on your side, no matter what choice you make, I’m your Boy, always in your side. Lets frame the pictures together in here in New York, let’s do it together so you take them with you back home.
I need you more than anything today, I’m feeling really down, gladly I have you and my friends to cheer me up, no film= nothing…
I’m fucked up…..But as always I’m going to keep on moving and chose another options.
As I’m writing these e-mail to you there is the Ice Cream truck outside putting that silly music to call children attention…  I feel like a Child now, I feel like I need you , and I wanna hug you, I might go outside and choke myself in one of those creamy, fatty, greasy ice creams from New york city…
I need you here, I need my girlfriend :(, I miss you so much…I just wanna stay with my girlfriend forever in that our little secret place, I love how this e-mail made me feel so happy, Jackpot…..
Talking about those dates, Silvia was supposed to come in the 3rd of August to my house in NYC, because by that time i was still working in my film, and that was the date i told her to come to go to L.A with me then. She already bought the ticket, I’m doing my best to ask her to change it to after the 8th so I have my time with you alone. I’m willing to pay the new flight so she come later.
I’m still going to read the e-mails you write me, over and over again, even when I’m old you know? I wanna be on my 40’s or 50’s and read that this girl one day made me smile even in the worst of my days… and that’s why I LOVE YOU that’s why I’m crazy in love for you. By the way, No you are not making sense I didn’t understand word, of getting married separately… why In the world are we talking about marriage in first place, and second why does it have to be separately? I didn’t get it, rather not reading that part….
Right now I do miss my family…
Right now I do miss my friends…
but Right now what I really miss most is my girlfriend….
I have may not reached the 1,200 words but one thing is certain…
The Love and passion I feel for you right now, is bigger than whatever I can write….or you can..
I love you more than anything.
X -Doze….
P.S- the thing you wrote on the Diary in the 13th of July made me so happy…to read it, It would be a dream came true, to be with you 24/7, but then again is something personal that unfortunately even if I want, it’s not up to me to decide it….
But just so you know… Yes…made me smile a lot.