Kylie Minogue

Break up confusion: part 100,000,001 of 100,000,000

I fell in love, and I fell in love hard. But it left me crying my eyes out, 2 stone heavier and on a plane to Hamburg with my best friends.

I was never the girl to confess my love to anyone – ‘I love you, I love you’. But with him, it kept exploding out of me… I could never keep it in, I wanted him to know. I knew he wasn’t in love with me, but I was okay with that because the affection, attention and time that we had together filled me up in so many ways. I had never felt that before.

He asked me at the beginning to be ‘open’ to us. Even though he had already backed out once. There was something about him that made me trust him. That made me jump in head first – give my time and attention to, 100%.

Even he can tell you that I always had a tiny bit of fear that he would just text me one day and be done… Saying the same things he said 5 days after we first slept together. But he always reassured me that if it was ever going to happen, I would know, and it wouldn’t be over text. However this is where the line gets blurry because I guess it did happen on just ‘one day’ and I guess it did just happen over text. He broke my heart, because I was madly in love.

I always dreamt of the relationship that we had. Him driving. Us sleeping together almost every night. Him helping me to sleep. Us both being a part of each other’s lives. Being called his girlfriend made me the happiest I had been in such a long time.

With the rise, comes the fall.

Anyone who knows me knows that I believe in butterflies, and that you should never settle for anything less. Well I am saying now, that everyday and every second with him was butterflies. Even the bits I didn’t like, the butterflies pushed me through to the other side. Love.

The butterflies, unfortunately are still very much there. I’m not sure they will ever go away… But they will also remind me to be so much more careful in the future, despite the fact that I do not regret meeting him, loving him, even still.

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Break up confusion: part 36,762 of 100,000,000

Throwback:

I am waking up every day, and the reason I am quiet is because I wake up with so much anxiety that it takes me a whole day to work my confidence back up and feel ok with our relationship. I am so invested in our relationship that the bickering is making me feel so low. I am not made for a relationship like what we have right now. I am used to having a relationship that gives me the safe haven that I need to deal with everything else. It upsets me so much every time we fight, bicker and argue because we are in such a beautiful place and we aren’t making amazing memories. Today is one of the first days where for the majority of it I felt better and happy with our relationship but it changed so quickly and another night/day has been ruined. I am so sorry for everything that I have done that has displeased you, annoyed or frustrated you. I have felt a little alone since we have been here, and maybe my wanting for my friends and family is coming across badly. I have never wanted to make you feel badly and have never wanted to be like this with you. As I said a few weeks before we came away – the happiest I have been, is with you. I am extremely sad that that has changed and you are not happy. So sorry. The way that this holiday has turned out has given me so much disappointment, sadness and anxiety – I wish I could take it back.

Break up confusion: part -7645 of 100,000,000

Walking around Hamburg, Germany… 3 days after:

 

Obviously with being away, I’ve had time to get space and think. I feel as though you just gave up, it was a couple of weeks of bad stuff compared to months of laughing and smiling. I’ve listened and understood when you said you don’t want a relationship and all of the stuff that comes with it – but do you not think after however many months it’s been, our relationship deserves more than you just giving up?!

Break up confusion: part 55,555 of 100,000,000

Trying to get over this person is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I am not forgetting that my mum walked out on my siblings and I. I am not forgetting I have mourned the death of all of my grandparents, two aunts, a friend, my first pet, family animals. I am not forgetting that my dad could be taken away from us. I am not forgetting my ex boyfriend of over 5 years.

And I simply think the reason is because of all of those things weren’t anything personal towards me. In fact, none of them were about me. They weren’t about things that I had done, who I am, who I wasn’t… They weren’t done for revenge or because I deserve it. They have all happened because that is simply how the world works. Mysterious.

However when it comes to this man, it is personal… He can say that he is who is and that he doesn’t want to change and that he is a selfish person and he doesn’t mind that about himself. But I never asked him to change. I fell in love with him because of who he is, because I see him for him. That hurts. I want to see it differently but the only thing I see is that I simply was not enough.

Break up confusion: part -9999999 of 100,000,000

Me, myself and I.

Eventually you reach a point of realising that the person has gone. That soon enough the care and concern will go. You will both get on with your lives, or at least one of you will. You have done everything that you know used to or sometimes makes you happy, even just for a second. Movies, eating, drinking, shopping, being with friends and family. A new hair do. But at the end of the day you want to get back to the person that used to be able to sleep at night, the person that dances in the shower and all around the house (naked). You need to and want to get back to being the person that your other half fell for. You are learning to let go of a lot of things, but you will potentially bump into a person that smells very similar to your other half. Or a movie will come out that you both had been waiting to see. You only had plans to see it together – and as much as you now get to see it with your best friend albeit not alone… it just isn’t the same. You have reached the point where you feel bad for your friends having to listen to you. Like the scene in Sex and the City where the girls tell Carrie to go to therapy because she talks about her break up with Big non stop. As much as a lot of moving in is being with someone else, you aren’t ready and you have agreed with your close friends that maybe it would be a good thing for you to concentrate on yourself for a little while. Learn to be you again. You and yourself. Me, myself and I. Well, doesn’t that just have the potential to be so wonderful… and tragic all at the same time. You are allowed to miss someone, and you will probably miss them every day for quite a long time. You are allowed to crumble inside when something reminds you of them.

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You need to understand that it is a part of life to fall for someone, to trust, to love and to feel. There are a limited amount of people that do and feel nothing, and that, my love, is not living. You need to feel the pain, hurt and sadness in order to cherish the love that you do receive. There is nothing wrong with trusting, there is a line – you don’t have to be careless. You would never wish for anyone to hurt you, and I would never wish the pain of heartbreak upon my worst enemy. But ultimately you have a choice of whether you want to put one foot in front of the other, and accept, build and be stronger and better than you ever were.

You need to know that it is 100% okay not to be okay. It is also okay to give up on yourself, love and everything in between for a little while – but remember that anyone willing to let someone like you out of their life is not worthy of you disappearing from yourself for forever. You owe it to yourself, to come back better than ever. Don’t let another person be your down fall – find something else, find something that someone will find cute, something that someone, one day, will think of as your best part.

Understand that you will be okay, you are stronger than you think – miss them, love them… every day if that is what means that you get up, face the world and get on with achieving your hopes, dreams and aspirations.

People always use the metaphor of taking 1 step forward and 10 steps back but how about you take 1 step forward (you fell for someone), you take 20 steps back – but guess what, you can then take 22 steps forward. I believe in you.

the innocent cupcake_

What a spectacular bonding activity making cupcakes can be. There is nothing like it when the intoxicating aroma seeps up your nostrils when liquid conjoins with sugar and flour to create sponge. Baking cupcakes can be strangely relaxing, and it gives the baker time to chat, drink, do other chores, or prepare the next batch and of course plan the decorative line of attack. Having flour to sift, flavours to drizzle and vanilla syrup to stir provides the diversion that mixing a martini once did.

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The cupcake acquired its name in the 19th century when a revolutionary new way of measuring ingredients (by cup) rather than the more complicated way of weight was introduced to American cookbooks. Then before you knew it, Carrie Bradshaw was sitting on a New York bench outside the Magnolia Bakery with her stick thin legs on show, eating a cupcake…

Then came the cupcake shops, companies, in-house brands, the TV shows and celebrity weddings. Now with over 44,000,000 cupcakes consumed in the UK last year which translates as £23.5m worth of cupcakes, 400 books about cupcakes on Amazon and a 54 per cent surge in baking businesses, the cup cake has well and truly arrived.

Georgi Gyton, associate editor of the British Baker Magazine (the creators of National Cupcake Week) put the cupcake’s enduring popularity down to its versatility. “One of the main reasons that cupcakes have become so popular across the nation is due to the sheer variety of options when it comes to cupcake flavours, and the high quality and creativity seen in the decoration of them,” she claims “it can’t be denied that cupcakes look great, and are enticing to eat.

As Nigella Lawson says, baking cupcakes is “the opposite to cooking, because unlike a steak, you get the fantasy of transformation”. She goes on: “You put this goo in the oven and it comes out a cake. And it is much easier than whipping up an ‘artless’ feast. Who cares if the baking ingredients aren’t exactly the right temperature and the cakes come out a bit heavy? No one really notices.”

Having your own signature style of cupcake in today’s cupcake market is crucial, with so many different flavours and sizes and toppings being accessible pretty much anywhere from Starbucks, Selfridges and Tesco, to attract the more attention you need to bring in something the crowd have never tasted before.

Lorraine Miller, who owns Marigold Cupcakes in Surrey, based her cupcake recipes on famous women such as Kylie Minogue, Katy Perry, and Elizabeth Taylor. Everything from the title of the cake, to the amounts of glitter, sweets, cream and decorations used ooze the obvious qualities of the female figure. But Miller explains that it’s not the name of her cupcakes that make then so popular. “They are fun, colourful and small”.

Unfortunately for those on a diet, or those who simply can’t justify eating 500 calories (give or take a few) in one gulp the cupcake is growing more and more accessible. Miller adds that cupcakes “aren’t something you buy one day and chuck away the next, they keep well for 3 days”.

It could be argued that the cupcake has become a weird sort of talisman of a certain kind of happiness.

Owning a cupcake company or shop such as Marigold Cupcakes is the career fantasy of the 21st century, and a profitable one at that.

Gyton says: “Cupcakes are relatively easy to make at home, which is why there are so many home-based cupcake businesses springing up across the UK all the time.”

Cupcakes are fast becoming the treat of choice at events from birthday parties, weddings, a baby and bridal showers to conferences,

Mattias Kiehm, general manager of catering at Harrods, said: “Cupcakes have replaced chocolates and flowers as a gifting idea. It is the corporate world and fashion elite who buy them, as much as the yummy mummies”.

Gyton agrees: “Cupcakes are suitable for a wide range of events, from birthdays, to weddings and corporate get-togethers because they are very versatile.” Is the trend here for good? “They can be customised in any way and made in a variety of sizes, so are perfect for so many occasions.”

By the looks of things the trend will keep growing.

“I think with any trend, the interest in cupcakes will probably reach a peak, but it’s certainly not showing any signs of declining at the moment,” says Gyton, adding: “Sales are on the up, year-on-year, and in terms of the interest in National Cupcake Week and our National Cupcake Championships, we’ve seen more and more people getting involved every year.”

Miller also points out that cupcakes are environmentally friendly, in that there are normally no left-overs. “The craze will last for the foreseeable future, they will carry on for a while yet. And there’s no waste, which is so important to everyone nowadays.”

Has the flurry of TV shows such as the television series 2 Broke Girls and Sex and the City along with the tonnes of books and live cooking competitions, simple shown that it isn’t difficult and it can be relaxing, which forces brands like Betty Crocker to maybe have limited days. The trick? Lorraine believes that your cupcakes need “to look good, be original and most of all, fresh” to gain success.

So what is it exactly? The relaxation? The decoration? The ease? The small taste of things ‘you shouldn’t be eating’? But, with all the trends coming, going and staying in Britain and all over the world… Botox, at home hair dying kits, music and films free online, the cupcakes craze is one where you can make it at home, buy them anywhere and you get a treat at the end (if they don’t come out of the oven burnt!).

It’s a dollop of sugar and carbs lurking beneath a veil of pastel-coloured icing. Even cupcakes can be made gluten free by changing the flour. But the butter, the calories? These moist, bready delights each have a devote burst of individuality. One day you’ll be invited to mouth water over choices like Salmon and Cream Cheese and then it’s all about Bacon and Egg following in the footsteps of Heston Blumenthal.

The fifth annual National Cupcake Week will take place from 16-22 September 2013.